BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO
by du911
Summary: Gravity falls x Korra ATLA x Portal x Long earth. Gravity falls destroyed, everyone he knew is dead. Can dipper and his new friend Cave Johnson take on the world of the Avatar?
1. Chapter 1

BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO

I Own nothing

Pain, That's all he felt...pain, pain, and more pain. Dipper pines dragged

himself from the smokingcrater of what had once been his childhood home of

gravity falls.

Grunkle stan, mabel, his parents, soos, Wendy...gone...all of them...the

entire town...just destroyed.

It was horrible...but what else could he have done? What Bill Cipher had

been planning...it would have meant a fate worse then death for everyone.

He did what he had to! He had to use that ritual to sacrifice the journals to

kill bill! He had no choice! He had no choice! He repeated this mantra in his

head like a mad man as he lumbered forward- only to almost fall into

another crater!

Wha- gasped a baffled dipper as he fully took stock of his surroundings, and

sure enough there was a secondary crater connected to the main one.

Wha-what caused thi-

Uh, excuse me! Shouted a voice nearby suddenly. Dipper quickly turned

around and beheld a strange sight. At first it looked like a body had been

forcibly smashed through a tree...and it had, but what was remarkable was

the person seemed both alive and unharmed! Yes, you my good man! Would

you please assist me? I'd appreciate it! Dipper quickly had him out of it. He

was twelve years old like him.

he wore a ragged lab coat stained with what he hoped was red paint,

fingerless gloves, and weird safety goggles.

Oh thank you my good fellow, my names Johnson. Cave Johnson. Aspiring

tinker and world shaker! And yours?

Dipper pines- Jolly good to meet you dipper! I- then he noticed the second

crater. Oh dear, it would seem I will need a new lab. Say, my friend! I'm

probably going to need help locating and setting up a new lab location.

Would you like to accompany me.

Dipper let out a sigh, will it be far away from here?

Most certainly!

Then I'm all yours.

After taking one last regretful look at the rubble of his previous life, he

hastily followed Cave into the woods.

And thus there was no one to bare witness to the lone figure that crawled out

of the secondary crater.

Her every footstep seemed to cause the earth to crumble, the water in the

air seemed to solidify and follow her every movement, her every frantic

breath seemed to let out a small torrent of flames.

D-dipper gasped Wendy as she finally collapsed from exhaustion

**AN: just so there's no confusion. This is an AU, where Dipper lived in gravity falls his whole life. And the world of gravity falls takes place in the world of Avatar. You'll have to re-imagine his adventures in that context, because I'm too lazy to do so. Oh, and these events take place after "into the bunker" Enjoy!**


	2. Chapter 2

BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO chapter 2

I Own nothing!

3 YEARS LATER

Dipper could still barely believe his eyes...he was here...Republic City...The big Kumquat itself...and he

was docking into it like it was no big deal! This was one of the greatest moments of his-

Hey Dipper! Buddy! I could use a hand here! -and just like that the moment was over, as reality

forcibly reminded him **why** he was in republic city in the first place. Dipper sighed as he walked off

the leaky canoe (that immediately finished sinking) to help Cave finish packing his fliers.

His friendship with Cave had been...interesting. He had to admit that Cave was quiet possibly the most

brilliant inventor the world has ever seen! Which would be great...if he also wasn't the most

incompetent, dangerous lunatic that the world had ever had the misfortune to spawn. Not that he was a

bad guy! He had an almost sickening idealism about humanity, and genuinely wanted to make the

world a better place...however good intentions didn't exactly make up for the fact that he once

somehow caused an island to sink just by jamming a fork into a toaster (and that didn't even make it

into the top 100 crazy things he'd done!). Still, he was a good friend...who was about to sucker punch

the human race silly. I still can't believe you actually found someone crazy enough to finance this, said

dipper as he packed the last fliers up. Yep! That varick is a swell guy! And all I had to do was convince

all my fellow innovators to let him get first pick of who get's contracted!...oh and 117% of the ticket

prices and merchandising rights...whatever that is. Yeah, sounds real "swell" said dipper sarcasticly.

And then he noticed headline on the fliers. **CAVE JOHNSON & DIPPER PINES WORLD **

**FAIR/SCIENCE EXPO./WONDER IMPORIUM EXTRAVAGANZA!**(also there will be cake)

Uh, cave, why is my name on this? Cave smiled, SURPRISE! As if I wouldn't give you credit for this.

All of the heaps of success both me, my fellow inventors, and the world is about to enjoy wouldn't have

been possible without your common application skills! In other words, my common sense? Yep! Why,

without you I'd still be trying to force my portal gun to be a shower curtain! Uh...wow...look, not to

sound ungrateful but maybe it would be best if my name wasn't on this? What? Why? asked a confused

Cave. Dipper started to get uncomfortable. Well, you know...in case the police come around...and arrest

everybody...again. Cave chuckled, dipper me chum. I know we've had many a shake up by the good old

gestapo, but this time- -will be different, finished dipper. No offense Cave, but that's what you said the

last couple hundred times. True, admitted Cave. But I've never attempted anything remotely this big or

over the top before have I? Dipper chuckled nervously, nope you sure haven't...god help us all...

What was that? asked cave absentmindedly. Nothing! Shouted dipper quickly. Look, all I'm saying is

that it wouldn't hurt to have someone on the outside to bail you out...or failing that have a a get-away

driver...like I always do.

Cave chuckled, dipper buddy you worry too much! Regardless of what happens, everything will be

fine. Or have you already forgotten my "special" condition? Dipper groaned, like he could ever forget.

Look man, I keep telling you it's a mistake to keep relying on only that to get you out of every problem

you face. Also you seem to forget that while it helps you, me not so much if at all.

Oh, yeah, that's right. Said a contemplative Cave. Then he gives a shrug and says: "alright I'll try to

alter you name off." Thank you, said an appreciative dipper.

Now enough Jibber-Jabber, to the Cave-mobile! Cave quickly presses on a small capsule that quickly

grows into an enormous hydrofoil. Which Cave quickly jumps in. Dipper quickly steps away from the

Vehicle. Yeah, I'll pass. I'd like to stay within city limits and with all my limbs attached.

Suit yourself, said cave with a shrug. And away he went...through several buildings...in the wrong

direction. Dipper shook his head. After all these years it still amazed him not only how bad a driver

cave was but how bad his sense of direction was thought dipper to himself as he remembered the time

cave tried to navigate a south pole restroom and somehow ended up in a wardrobe in Ba-Sing-Sai.

Still, when all was said and done Cave was a great friend and all the many adventures he'd had with

him had really helped him through those dark times...after all these years he felt like he could finally

put his past behind him.

**MEANWHILE...**

Little did dipper know that a huge part of that past was but one dock away from him.

Wendy Corduroy had just got off a boat and was calmly walking down the dock, and not just any dock

but an L-shaped wedge dock that was adjacent to the one dipper was walking down.

Yes, both of them were mere seconds away from bumping into a glorious reunion of epic propor-

Excuse me! Miss! Miss! Wha- said wendy as she stopped walking and turned around to see a porter

from the boat run toward her. Sorry miss, you forgot your bag. Oh, thanks dude! Said wendy

appreciatively, oblivious to dipper already walking off the docks behind her and out of sight.

Strangely, minutes later Dipper and wendy couldn't shake the feeling that somewhere, somehow.

Hundreds of people were now screaming in frustration.


	3. Chapter 3

**BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO chapter 3**

**I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!**

Wendy Corduroy still couldn't believe it! She was here! Honest to goodness republic city!

The sights! The sounds! The smells! It was almost overstimulating! Yes sir! She'd come a long way in

the last three years! She'd literally gone from zero to somebody! She and her fellow fire ferrets had

slaughtered the Ba-sing-sai championship, the omashu championship, the north pole championship, the

south pole championship, even all 47 of the fire nation championships! Now all that remained was the

united republic championship, and then on to conquer the world...championship. She even had a

nickname in pro-bending circles, "The Ball Buster." Infamous for not only being the first (and so far

only) female pro-bender to exercise the option of girl competitors being allowed to aim for the

groin...but also more or less using it as her signature move!...needless to say nowadays most teams

tended to forfeit when they learned they were going up against her. Wendy was a little annoyed that the

main reason that was allowed was feminist politics...But, hey she wasn't about to look this gift horse in

the mouth. Besides after all that crude she went through 3 years ago, if she felt like smashing

thousands of groins into pudding to work through her issues and aggression(but mostly aggression).

Then consider the male genitals as an endangered species! Were her detractors right in saying that was

taking things too far? Probably. But until they had watched an eldritch abomination destroy everything

they knew and loved, they could jump up their own butts and die for all she cared. While she was

thinking this, she happened to be walking past a radio shop broadcasting loud for all to hear.

-**and still experts are baffled! There is still no leads where the then only recently declared Avatar Korra vanished to, 13 years ago to this day. Although the various nations of the world are still keeping up the search, they have officially declared that it would be best to assume the worst! Which is greatly disheartening, for with the increasingly militant Equalist movement on the rise and the triads turf-war sparking up again. I think we can all agree we need the avatar now more then ever! **

Wendy couldn't help but smirk, _if they only knew. _Thought wendy to herself as she passed by an

alleyway...where a hapless pedestrian was being mugged by a couple of triads. Wendy groaned, _really?_

Groused wendy at the universe._ My first day here and I'm already dealing with this? Ba-sing-sai for all _

_it's problems at least let me find a place to stay before throwing this sort of thing at me!_

After quickly looking around to make sure no one was around, she quickly covered her face with a

hoodie then charged into the alleyway shooting two icicles right into both their testicles incapacitating

them both in an instant. Wendy relaxed-which almost cost her head when a third triad guy hidden in the

shadows sent a boulder. Going on pure adrenaline-fueled instinct, wendy both dodged and sent a rock

pillar up to impale his balls. Wha- water and earth bending? Babbled the innocent bystander. _Crude! _

Mentally yelled wendy as she cursed her own recklessness. Hey, what's going on here?! Shouted a gang

of policemen as they swarmed they alleyway. _Oh, come on! Where were these morons 5 minutes ago!_

Wendy thought to herself as she ran like there's no tomorrow. After much running wendy was finally

able to lose them at the park when she hid inside a large mass of bushes.

_Phew! That was a close one! _Thought wendy as she quietly crawled through the bushes. But she was

also irritated how bad things had now gotten for her. True, her persona "the hooded hero" had become

well known throughout the world. But until now she'd been careful enough were she had been more of

an urban legend than anything else. But now not only was their witnesses that could confirm her

existence. But one of those witnesses had seen her bend multiple elements!

Yes, wendy still remembered the weeks following the destruction of gravity falls. Where on top of

everything she learned she'd somehow gained the power of multiple elements. Which made no sense,

since her family had no history of bending and like most people she had been tested for bending energy

shortly after being born. And it had come up negative on all fronts.

It's also when she decided that she wanted nothing to do with being an Avatar.

Oh, sure she went on to master earth, water, and fire(say what you will about her, she wasn't one to turn

down a free lunch)...not air though, both due to it's rarity and how much it went against her inner

nature.

And she had nothing against stopping an injustice that was happening in front of her.

But as for going out of her way to be a hero? Saving the world?...no, never again.

She'd seen what that kind of lifestyle can do to a person...how it can destroy a person, just like how it

destroyed dip-

At this point wendy had to pause and compose herself...even after all these years just thinking about

him still brought her to tears.

As long as she could remember Dipper pines had been interested in the supernatural. He liked to

investigate it, explore it, and when needed fight it.

It seemed like every week dipper saved the town from a new disaster, a new threat.

Which had been cool at first...but week after week the fights had taken their toll, both physically and

psychologically. If it weren't for various mystic remedies (that dipper had discovered) both wendy,

dipper and the rest of the gang would have probably spent most of their lives in a full-body cast...or

worse. And still the dangers kept coming! No matter how much they sacrificed, it was proved pointless

when a new trouble popped up. And each one seemed worse then the last.

Still, it wouldn't have been quite so bad if the town showed dipper even an ounce of gratitude...which

they didn't.

For the most part dipper was dismissed as a crackpot and ridiculed by most of the town, and the few

times dipper could back up his claims. He was the one the town blamed for the trouble. Hell, his own

parents wanted to send him to an asylum when he was ten! It was only grunkle stans intervention that

stopped that. It was never so bad for her...no one wanted to risk ticking off her dad. But he refused to

offer that same protection to dipper. He wouldn't forbid her from seeing him, but he made it very clear

he blamed him for her constantly nearly dying.

Years of being friends, saving each others lives, standing up to the town for him...it really hadn't come

as a surprise to her when dipper started developing feelings for her. As for how she left things...well,

what else could she have done? He was 12 and she'd been 15, it never could have worked out...right?

Still, the fact that the last non-life or death conversation she'd had with him before he was killed was

her breaking his heart...seriously what was up with the universe?

Anyway, that's why she needed to hide. If they ever found her...well for all her big talk, if they gave her

some B.S. about "it's your duty", or "for the greater good"...she really didn't know if she'd be able to

stay strong...but still she didn't know how much longer she could keep this up.

Oh, dipper...messed up bizarre situations like this would be right up his alley...what she wouldn't give

to have him back.

Meanwhile...

Truly, the universe was a strange place. For not but a few feet away, in that same bush, crawling toward

the currently very melancholy wendy. Was a very oblivious dipper Yes, I think it's on the cards this

time. Their going to meet! Juuuust a littttle bit mor- And that's when dipper is forcibly pulled from the

bush by a homeless man.

Hey their boyo! I found the hat! The hat that's yours! The hat that got blown off your head by the wind!

The hat which be the reason for your digging through that there bush!

Dipper gave him a weird look before grabbing the hat.

Ooookay...don't really see why that exposition was needed...or why it was necessary for you to forcibly

rip me from that bush...or how you even know this since I've never meet you before, but thank you!

Said dipper as he quickly retreated out of the park and away from the stranger...a couple minutes latter

wendy leaves the park too.

Once again both wendy and dipper find themselves with the strangest feeling of a hundreds of people

yelling in frustration.

Meanwhile...

Lin Beifong rubbed her face with annoyance.

First, their was that maniac that was demolishing buildings with his car and spewing illegible flier's(it

looked like he tried to alter something at the last minute but ended up just screwing up all the text on it

instead). And now this...Now your sure this person used multiple elements? Yes! Shouted the

bystander! Yes he did! I swear! Lin groaned, the evidence found also supported this...well, there was

really no way around it then. Lin looked over at her assistant. Get Tenzin on the phone. Tell him the

hooded hero is here...and he might be the avatar...

Latter that night...

And so it came to pass. That night while the citizens did sleep. Strange people, machines, and creatures

did come to creep. For too long these crackpots, fringe scientists, and witch doctors had been the butt

of every joke. But now they've been given what they need to grab destiny by the throat.

Come tomorrow there shall come such a clatter that all will come to see what's the matter

And what did dipper the good friend of cave johnson whisper with ever increasing fright?...

You've had a good a good run republic city, so to all have one last peaceful night...

…...uh, yeah I was kind of hopping for a more uplifting end to

that poem-

That's the best your gonna get from me cave, deal with it.

Oh, very well...

**AN: Yep, this a deconstruction fic. Inspired by one of my favorite authors Madhat886. Who I strongly recommend you read. I may not care for how he portrays my faith, but I respect both his right to an opinion and his amazing writing skills.**


	4. Ch 4

BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO chapter 4

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

The people of republic city awoke to chaos...fun chaos...but chaos nonetheless.

The whole town seemed to have gone bonkers!

Everywhere you looked their was a new crazy thing!

A human kazoo playing a kazoo, a bunch of people racing a bunch of edible cup-cake carts,

people pretending to be statues, weird black-and-white people pretending to be trapped in

invisible boxes, barbers singing in four's, a man playing a tuba that spews fire and bubbles, a

strange vehicle that gets around on two giant rotating springs, magic carpet salesman(by which

I mean a sentient magic carpet that sells non-sentient magic carpets), an anthropomorphic

tambourine that was constantly gleefully smacking its self in the face, and so much more!...

…...

…...

…...

"And thus water becomes food!" Shouted flintlock wood as his FLDSMDFR created varrick cakes before a cheering crowds...

…...

…...

…...

BOOM! A house popped into existence. Professor briefs smiled as he continued to demonstrate his capsule tech. Before a stunned audience...

…...

…...

…...

Hey! Shouted Candace Flyn. "I told you either get in line or get lost buddy!" "Come on love, I'm just

trying to make a few extra yen!" Pleaded a cloaked and masked street performer. "Don't make me bust

you!" Shouted Candace as she pulled out her baton. I'm going! I'm going! Shouted the performer.

Candace smiled then went back to work, "alright you bums! Let's keep the line moving!" The line in

question was to phineas and ferb's, "Name it and will invent for 100$!." The boys would rather have

done it for free, but phineas's manager/girlfriend had insisted. Said girl meanwhile, was setting up a

fireside recruitment drive next door to finally start up chapters outside of their hometown!...

…...

…...

…...

"Discount Genie! Get your discount genie!" Exclaimed Dr. Facilier, as he sold magic lamps secretly

filled with malevolent or defective genies. Dr. Facilier chuckled to himself at how easily that cave boy

was manipulated to finance his Djinni-ology experiments...

…...

…...

…...

Welcome to transformation central! Shouted Sander Cohen. "Where the age long Question: dose art

imitate life or life imitate art is thrown out the window of irrelevance! Cohen quickly demonstrated

how his special gene tonics could alter skin color, height, weight, muscle mass, intellect, perception,

and luck. The people were nearly in a frenzy, and he was only half-way through the demonstration!

Cohen smiled, "remain calm everyone, there's plenty of free samples for everyone!"

Hearing this, the mob finally lost it and started looting the tent and beating the assistants.

Yes! Yes! Shouted Cohen as he took picture after picture of the riot. Give me more PATHOS!...

…...

…...

…...

"Come one! Come all!" Shouted the midget named professor plankton. "Buy my various technological

odd's and ends!" Plankton smiled as the money piled up. "How do you like me now crabs!?" Shouted

plankton at the heavyset businessmen in the booth across from his. Mr. crabs grumbled under his

breath. How he cursed the day that cave boy came to town and convinced plankton to give up fast-food

and focus on inventing! Since then plankton's been making 100 times more money then him! True, the

kid had been nice enough to invite him here to introduce the concept of "burgers" to the world. And yes

he'd made more money in the last 5 hours then the last ten years combined(and they'd been good years

too!)! But he wasn't making even half the money he should! And that blasted Ron stoppable and

girlfriend Kim certainly weren't helping matters! Curse their new-fangled drive-through's, and hot

dogs, corn dogs, nacho's, taco's, fries , cotton candy, ice cream, and chocolate! What kind of names

were those Any way!?...

…...

…...

…...

"But seriously though folks, my family has never wanted for anything. Except for my uncle hot-plate

whose wanted for petty theft in the fire nation!" Exclaimed the masked and cloaked performer as he

entertained the audience, while madam foster passed out her diet pills.

"Now remember, by becoming my sellers you will get 50% off on all future pill subscriptions, and all I

ask is that you give me 10% of all sales concerning my beautiful adipose!" spoke madame foster

pointed to the adorable little creatures that were the result of foster's pills converting body fat into cute

semi-sentient living creatures.

"YEAH! I'm going to be rich!" Shouted a morbidly obese man as he swallowed the a whole jar's worth

of pill's, and within seconds turned into a handsome thin man surrounded by hundred of adipose!

"Buffets on me you little cuties!" Shouted the man as he petted the beauties...

…...

…...

…...

"And so you see, through the power of quantum suicide we have controlled the probability of this coin,

forcing it to land on it's side 122 times!" exclaimed the lutece twins to an astonished crowd.

"Golly, that's interesting!" exclaimed one of spectators. "But how is it useful to everyday life?"

"Oh, that's simple, well...uh...you see"...Robert sighed as he turned to Rosalind. "Sister, we may not

have thought this all the way through"...

…...

…...

…...

Behold the smell-o-scope! Exclaimed professor farnsworth...

…...

…...

…...

Voodoo economist counseling! Cried Tia Dalma. Control your economic future with astrological chart

readings! Ethereal elixirs! And spiritual medium-ism.

A passerby chuckled. "Yeah, and I bet the tooth fairy's here too for exchange rates?!" Mocked the man

before being zapped into a rat. Needless to say business picked up after that...

…...

…...

…...

Angry scientist cackled, "behold my sheep powered...laundromat!...

…...

…...

…...

"Behold my techno-trousers!" Shouted Wallace...right before the trousers ran amok...

…...

…...

…...

Ex-Colonel sanders smiled as the people enjoyed his ultimate genetic masterpiece...the chicken.

Sanders counted his money with a smile, at this rate he'll have more than enough to purchase that t-rex

genome. And then he'll be the king of the fast food world! Cackled Sanders at he looked lovingly at the

blueprints for his Dino-chickens, with their Dino-sized drumsticks. "This outta show that hippie

psychoanalyst...drum me out of the army will he?...have an unstable mental state do I? Well I'll show

him...I'll show them all!" Laughed sanders maniacally...

…...

…...

…...

Dipper pines wandered the city. "Well, 7 hours in and the city is still standing...a new record". Said

dipper impressed. Still...he'd better get to cave soon to try and once again convince him to not push his

luck with his "demonstration" and get thrown in jail...again. Arrrgh! Why did he have to be so

mysterious about where to meet him!? Was it too much to ask- "Oh, hey my shoe's untied". Noted

dipper, as he bent down to deal with it...Just as a certain red head was walking nearby...

…...

…...

…...

"Come on, come on, it's a simple spot check. It's not that- Wha? Are you kidding me? Are you blind?!

He was 5 feet from you! You just-GRRRRR!" "Who are you talking to?" asked one nerd to another.

My character sheets suck! Shouted the nerd as he munched on cotton candy from Ron stoppable's store.

…...

**AN: Well it looks like caves extravaganza is going great...for now.**

**P.S. could someone contact the deviant artist Markmak or show me how to contact him? I'd like to talk to him, but the computer won't let me comment on deviantart.**

**I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a REVIEW today! **


	5. Chapter 5

BOOK ONE: STAUS QUO chapter 5

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

"Asami! Be careful!" Shouted Hiroshi sato as they drove through traffic. Asami sighed, "dad

either take the wheel for yourself or except the fact that with all the commotion. I'm going to have to do a lot of risky movements to get around!"

Hiroshi groaned. "I know, I know, I'm sorry...this has just been a rough day for me"...

Hiroshi was still irritated with how this whole event had come completely out of left field!

Despite Varrick having beat him on international concerns, his company still was #1 in

Republic city! But today! It was just one scientific miracle after another! And all of their

creators had already agreed to give varrick first pick of their contracts! It was a nightmare!

There was still one hope though. According to that nice man Oscar who ran that "bottled water"

stand, the person who organized this whole event...some guy named Cave Johnson was the one

who brokered the deal with Varrick...If he could find this..."cave" guy...Maybe, just maybe

he could convince him to reverse the deal and sign the inventors over to him!

Unfortunately, this cave guy...Whoever he was, seemed to have no organizational skills

whatsoever! All the stands, exhibits, rides, and attractions seem to have just been scattered

about in a completely random fashion...there were a couple placed on top of buildings and trees

for crying out loud! Not to mention the maps given out at the info booths seem to have been

written on Easter eggs...which were very hard to read. Even harder to do so when a sudden

stop caused the egg to fly out of his hand. "Sorry dad!" Shouted Asami. Hiroshi groaned...this just wasn't his day.

…...

Dipper had egg on his face...as in an egg just up and splattered on his face. Dipper groused in

annoyance as he bent over to wash up...which of course made him miss Wendy by a mere second-

…...

'Wha? Fail! Weak Fail! Weak sauce! Stupid spot check!" Shouted the nerd

"Uh...dude we haven't started yet"...said another nerd...

…...

"So you have artificial lightning and an earthquake machine?!" Asked one detective excitedly.

"Among other things, yes". Stated Nikola Tesla. "I'd never get any of it off the ground without

young Johnson". "What else can you tell us about this Cave Johnson?" Asked Lin. "Well, he helped

finance my inventions, proved my former mentor Edison was stealing my inventions- The man even

tortured an elephant to death to discredit me! Seriously, who dose that?"

"-I don't know". Said Lin flatly, "but if we could get back on topic"-

Suddenly, Lin and everyone in the city had the uncontrollable urge to stop what their doing, break into spontaneous choreography, and sing!

…...

**Welcome to the future, all you forward-thinking socialites,  
>Delightful world of steam so bright,<br>Change your life overnight,  
>Behold this lady's hairbrush, this motor-powered cow,<br>If you don't know how this gizmo works, I'll try to show you how. **

I**t's robotic kitchens, prototypes, a singing kettle,  
>You'll love this nut and turtle sheller made of living metal,<br>You'll never need to settle for yesterday's future,  
>We've borrowed from tomorrow, steam power, it's so super! <strong>

…**...**

During the dance dipper and Wendy literally slam into each other-

…...

Yes! You can't ignore each other this tim- wha- are you kidding me! (Bleep) you! And (bleep) your spot check!...you do know I have no control over how the dice rolls right? Said the other nerd.

…...

**Welcome to a brave new world (My word!),  
>The future is amazing, time for you to climb aboard!<br>Welcome to a brand new day! (Hooray!)  
>Everything will change! Time for me to show the way! <strong>

**_Step in closer, I've got so much to show you._**

**A robotic rooster starts the morning,  
>And a rocket-powered cycle takes you skyward and you're soaring<br>'Til you fall towards a lovely picnic made of future food,  
>Steam-powered sandwiches, useful speaking fruits. <strong>

**You are living in your prime, catching lightning in a jar,  
>Robot butlers keep you tidy, no matter where you are,<br>The future runs like clockwork and you'll never need to stress,  
>You really can't afford it: That's the price of steam progress! <strong>

**Welcome to a brave new world (My word!),  
>The future is amazing, time for you to climb aboard!<br>Welcome to a brand new day! (Hooray!)  
>Everything will change! Time for me to show the way! <strong>

…**...**

Dazed, everyone looks around as they returned to normal. Wondering what had just happened...

BRAVO! BRAVO! Shouted a loud voice. Everyone looked up and watched as a 15 year old on top of a

large building clapping away a strange pharmacist holding a weird device.

LET'S ALL GIVE A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE TO DR. HEINZ DOOFENSMIRTZ!

HIS CHOREOGRAPHY-INATOR IS BUT ONE OF MANY INATORS HE IS DEMONSTRATING AT HIS GAZEBO!

The boy then turns to everyone. GREETINGS! I'M CAVE JOHNSON! FOUNDER, CEO, AND HEAD SCIENTIST OF APETURE SCIENCE!

This causes a bit of a commotion down below, everyone is very surprised to learn that the person that organized this whole thing is actually a young teenager!

Oblivious to the commotion, cave continues. THIS IS A ONE HOUR WARNING! I REPEAT, ONE

HOUR UNTIL I GIVE MY DEMONSTRATION AT THE MAIN GAZEEBO! Said cave right before

he jumped off the building. Everyone screamed in panic...right before he landed on his feet

completely unharmed! ALSO DIPPER, I'D LIKE YOU TO BE THERE TOO! Shouted cave as his test-subject boots gave him a major jumping boost on his way.

Nearby, Wendy froze. "Did he just say- No, I'm hearing things". Asserted Wendy as she cleaned her ears...which of course made her miss dipper as he rushed to the main gazebo...

…...

AAARRRRRRRGGGGHHH! screamed the nerd as he flipped the table. A POX ON THEE SPOT CHECK!...why don't we take a break? Offered the other nerd.

TO BE CONTINUED

…...

**AN: could someone contact the deviant artist Markmak or show me how to contact him? I'd like to talk to him, but the computer won't let me comment on deviantart.**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**DOWN WITH FLAMES! UP WITH REVIEWS!...wait, strike that, reverse it.**


	6. Chapter 6

BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO ch. 6

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

COME ONE! COME ALL! Shouted Cave as everyone gathered around the main

gazebo. Then he noticed dipper walking toward him. "Hey, buddy! Glad you

could make it! I saved you a seat!" Said Cave as he pointed toward a folding

chair on the stage he set up. Dipper sighed as he once more tried to reason

with cave. "Look Cave, I'll admit this was a bigger success than I thought it

would be"- "Thank you!" Shouted an excited Cave. "Yes, anyway. I'd also be

lying if the whole 10 hours without blowing things up isn't great"- Easily beats

my old record of 5 minutes!" Shouted the increasingly excited cave johnson.

Dipper decided to get right to the point. "Look Cave, I think you should call it

a day-" "Hold it!" Shouted a voice interrupting dipper. Both boys turned in

time to see Lin beifong step up on the stage. As I live and breath- said cave

almost bursting with excitement. WE GOT A CELEBRITY HERE, FOLKS! THE

LEGENDARY CHEIF BEIFONG, HERSELF! Lin waited for the applause to die

down before continuing. "Yes, well I hate to break this up. But I'm going to

have to ask you to come with me-" This was meet with Boo's from the

audience. Dipper smiled, _well that worked out nicely. _Thought dipper to

himself as he watched Cave look shocked. "What!? Why?" shouted Cave.

"didn't Varrick file all those "permit" thingies that prevent me getting

arrested?" Lin raised an eyebrow at "thingies". But continued. "No, technically

those are all in place...but all the property damage you caused driving around

like a maniac isn't!" "Wha?- But that was yesterday!" Stated a confused Cave.

Lin looked at him like he was an idiot(and she's not too far off the mark).

"What dose that have to do with anything? It's still going to be as much rubble

today as it was yesterday!" Before Cave could rebuke that. Dipper(against his

better instincts) pipped up. "Uh, cave? Remember that sometimes your

"condition" delays itself a day if you haven't met the local authorities yet."

Cave nods. "Oh...right...forget about that." Cave takes a deep breath, then

turns to Lin. Look, Mrs. Beifong...I've more or less planned this moment out

for most of my short life...I have but 3 inventions to demonstrate today...is

there anyway you could delay my incarceration until after that? I'd be happy to

handcuff myself to you; if you so wish...Lin gave Cave a long look. Ordinarily,

I'd say no...but I got to admit...after seeing all the amazing things I've seen

today...but I can't just do it!" "Okay. Okay". Reasoned Cave. "Let me sweeten

the deal. Let me do one demonstration. I'm pretty sure dipper mentioned that

this one can have many applications to the field of law-enforcement. Isn't that

right dipper?" Dipper was suddenly torn. On the one hand, he knew from

experience that if Cave pushed his luck he'd inevitably do something...well,

"Cave-ish."...and if he did that with any of these 3 particular inventions...the

very thought of it made dipper shudder...On the other hand...he couldn't

just crush the dreams of the best friend he had in the world...It was with

great reluctance that dipper finally spoke: "Technically, yes...there could be a

lot of benefits to police"- "There you go!" Interrupted Cave. "Let me show this

invention, and if it doesn't completely knock your socks off then you can lock

me up and throw away the key!" Lin considered for a moment...then with a

deep sigh she nodded. This was meet with cheers! And then Lin slapped the

handcuff's on. "Let's be clear, even if this impresses me. One way or another

I'm taking you in after this is over! Reminded Lin. Cave smiled. "You won't

regret this mam! Exclaimed Cave, oblivious to how his words sent shudders down both Lin's and dipper's spines.

ONE HOUR LATTER...

dipper sighed...it had all been going so well. The portal gun demonstration

without a hitch(that portal-gel sprayer attachment he recommended was a real

step up!). Lin was impressed...or he assumed she was since she allowed him to

continue. Despite his objections...he'd be lying if Cave's showmanship wasn't

amazing to watch! Disguising Wheatley(the worlds first A.I...and also

technically it's first computer he supposed) as a masked and cloaked street

performer to "work the crowd" so to speak. To smooth over the shock of the

big reveal was a stroke of genius!...and then they got to the stepper

Tech...Dipper was still amazed how one little box could transport a person

through an infinite number of seemingly uninhabited earth's; Or the "long

earth" as Cave dubbed it...Now dipper knew that for the full concept of what

this meant to mankind to be understood. It would take a lot more then one

person at a time being "stepped"...still he honestly thought cave would be

smart enough to realize that "stepping" the entire city to a new world and

suspend it in midair above it!...Actually, now that he said it out loud that

was exactly the sort of thing Cave would do...why he thought otherwise is

strange...Dipper had tried to stop Cave from activating the jumbo-sized

stepper-box...but he'd been too late...at least the trip forward and back to

their earth (or "earth Datum" as Cave called it) had caused the monstrosity to

burn out and harmlessly implode...but that did nothing to quell the riot...

Cave looked at the commotion in disbelief. "Honestly, you'd think these people

had never been on a floating island before." Dipper groaned. "Cave remember

that little chat I had with you about separating the things we've experienced

from what "normal" people experience?" Cave's eye's lit up..."Oh...right...my

bad". Said Cave sheepishly. Right before Lin got over her shock and dragged

Cave to her patrol car. Dipper sighed. "Can I come with you? Dipper asked Lin.

I'm kind of his ride home. Lin shrugged. "Fine, I'll have plenty of questions for

you too". And so dipper, cave, and Lin drove away...Which means they

missed the spectacle of an unconscious orange haired girl being dragged into another patrol car...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED

**also, could someone contact the deviant artist Markmak or show me how to contact him? I'd like to talk to him, but the computer won't let me comment on my deviantart account.**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**RUM A TUM TUM IS A CURIOUS REVIEW!**


	7. Chapter 7

BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO chapter 7

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

The police station was in panic! The city was in complete chaos! And in the

middle of it all in Lin's office was the boy responsible for it all...Who didn't

seem to care! Infuriating Lin to no end. "-Look I get it, all the cops I've had

to deal with; go through the same thing when I first show up." Said Cave in

reassurance. "Look, here's what usually happens: I spend the night in the

slammer, but then everything's hunkey dorey in the morning, I'm let out, and

we can all become great friends!" Exclaimed an excited Cave. Lin just stared

in disbelief at the supposed boy "genius" in front of her. Before rubbing her

head in annoyance. _Yep, it's going to be one "those" nights..._

…_..._

"Careful with that!" Shouted Doofensmirtz as the police carted away his

inators. Fearing what any common criminal could do with any of the

inventions shown at the fair. Lin immediately ordered all the inventions to be

safeguarded during the ensuing riot and all inventors put in protective

custody. They continued carting it...right past the room Wendy was in.

Wendy sighed, for the life of her she didn't understand what had happened...

One moment she was trying to navigate the chaotic labyrinth that was the

fair...the next moment everything was shaking and screaming! A nearby

building was burning down with people still inside! Not having much choice

Wendy had been forced to bend multiple elements in front of everyone. She

saved everyone...Only to be knocked unconscious by a piece of wreckage.

When she came to she was in this room. She was told that "technically" she

wasn't under arrest...She was told that she would be free to go...just as soon

as the chief and council member Tenzin had a word with her. Wendy groaned.

She could see where this was going...They'd come in here all smiles and

handshakes...Then they'd tell her how "great" it was to be the avatar, what

an "honor" it is, that it's her "Destiny"...or some other crap like that...and

she'd fold...she didn't know how but she knew if she faced all that on her

own...she'd fold...She briefly toyed with just breaking out of here...but

then what? Live life on the lamb? As a fugitive?...No...Maybe...Maybe

she should just accept her fate...just like dipper...

And with that last somber thought...She began to cry.

Little did she know that on the opposite side of the wall, Dipper pines waited

calmly(if a bit irritated by the dust in the air) for information about Cave.

Yep, two people separated by a paper-thin wall...with their luck it might as well be an ocean...

…...

The nerd sighed as he stared at his game stat sheet. "Oh, well if they haven't

noticed each other by now. Then they probably never will...what a waste!

This game is a rip-off! I want my money ba-"

…...

Watch out! Shouted doof as one of the policeman accidentally dropped one of

his inators. ZAP! Went the choreography-inator! Suddenly, most of the police force started to break into song!

…...

**Somewhere out there, beneath the pale moon light  
>Someone's thinking of me, and loving me tonight<strong>

…**...**

Achoo! Sneezed dipper in his annoyingly cute kitten sneeze. On the other

side of the wall Wendy's ears perked up. "Wha-"

…**...**

**Somewhere out there, someone's saying a prayer  
>That we'll find one another, in that big somewhere out there<strong>

…**...**

Achoo! Sneezed dipper yet again. Not able to believe her ears Wendy slowly

turned around to look at the wall. _T-that sneeze. _Thought Wendy in disbelief...

…**...**

**And even though I know how very far apart we are  
>It helps to think we might be wishing, on the same bright star<strong>

…**...**

Achoo! Sneezed dipper a third- Next thing he knows the wall behind him

crumples and he's looking into the face of someone he'd long thought dead.

Wendy!? Exclaimed dipper in amazement. D-dipper? Asked a now very tearful Wendy.

…...

**And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby  
>It helps to think we're sleeping, underneath the same big sky<strong>

…**...**

Not knowing what to say. The two friends; long separated, simply enjoyed a

tearful embrace, overjoyed with being reunited at last. And the police (under

the influence of the inator) looked on while applauding as they still sang.

…**...**

**Somewhere out there, if love can see us through  
>Then we'll be together, somewhere out there<br>Out where dreams come true**

**And even though I know how very far apart we are  
>It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star<strong>

**And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby  
>It helps to think we're sleeping, underneath the same big sky<strong>

**Somewhere out there, if love can see us through  
>Then we'll be together, somewhere out there<br>Out where dreams come true**

…**...**

The nerd coughed as he hacked up a nasty hairball. "Right, sorry about that

sudden interruption. What was I talking about?" The other nerd smiled.

"Actually, I believe the fat lady has sung." Confused, the first nerd looked at

the game sheets again...And then erupted! "A sneeze!? Seriously!? That's

what were going with!? That is the lamest- You know what!? Frak this! I'm

going home!" And with that, he stormed off! The other nerd glanced at his

buddy. 'Explain to me why your friends with that weirdo?" The other guy

looked at him confused. My friend? I thought he was yours!...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED...

…...

**REVIEW! REVIEW! It's a hell of a town!**

**Don't forget to post a shout out on my mom's birthday story!**


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